There Is a Light That Never Goes Out
by Akurei5
Summary: A Flaritza story set after the baby mouse incident in season 4. Rated M mostly for language.
1. Chapter 1

*****Maritza's POV*****

Maritza had been so upset after Humphrey had forced her to eat that baby mouse. The very thought of it made her nauseous, the only way she got it down the first time was from the feel of the cold steel of Humphrey's gun pressed against her temple. The whole time she was in that house, she kept wondering what would happen next. She never thought she'd be glad to see the gates of Litchfield prison again, but she was on that day. She'd made it out of that house in one piece, at least physically. The whole experience was revolting and had left her feeling violated. She was too humiliated to tell anyone about it. In the few days since it happened, she just spent most of her time at her bunk mulling it over.

And on top of that she had to take shit from Ruiz and the other Dominicans for not delivering their drugs anymore. So much for being her "family", as soon as she was no longer useful to them, they discarded her. She never really clicked with the rest of the rest of the Latinas anyways; she associated with them mostly because of the natural racial segregation that occurs in prison. In the outside world, they never would have befriended her, nor she them. There were some exceptions. Aleida had taken care of her before Daya came. And Gloria used to look out for her, Flaca, and the other Latina girls. But now Aleida was gone and Gloria was busy worrying about Daya.

Her only real friend in this place was Flaca. They had had their differences at times, but she was the only one who stood by her no matter what. She was the only one who seemed to genuinely care about her as opposed to the other Dominicans who saw her as some sort of "ally" they could exploit in whatever prison feud or smuggling business was going on. Besides, Flaca and her had such natural chemistry together. Even so, she was still too afraid to confide any serious problems to Flaca. Their interactions had been fairly light-hearted up to this point and Maritza wasn't sure how Flaca would react. But she needed to talk to someone about this whole incident with C.O. Humphrey and get this off her chest. No! She couldn't tell anyone! She didn't want to appear weak. She'd just try to forget about it and hope that nothing like it happened again.

*****Flaca's POV*****

For Flaca, Maritza's friendship had offered enough of a distraction to make the daily grind in this place bearable. When they first met, she didn't like Maritza and even resented her slightly for her good looks. She seemed like the kind of girl that guys love but other girls hate. But the sassy girl's dry wit, wry sense of humor and good taste in fashion won her over. Soon, they had become best friends and over time they developed a strong bond to one another.

Everything was fine until that kiss they shared during the Valentine's Day party. Deep down, Flaca was actually kind of confused afterwards. She was surprised that she had enjoyed it; she had just tried it as more of a joke than anything else. She had pretended the kiss was meaningless because she thought Maritza felt that way. She was afraid she'd have scared off Maritza if she had told her how she really felt about it. She had always thought Maritza was attractive just as one girl to another. But after that kiss, she started to look at Maritza a little differently. She had never looked at another girl in _that_ way before and it kind of scared her because she wasn't sure why she felt that way. She had always thought she was straight and had never questioned it before. Maybe she had been locked away in this place for too long with no guys around. Regardless, Flaca tried to put these thoughts out of her mind and eventually she forgot about it. She missed Ian and hadn't talk to him in forever. As time went on, he seemed to fade into her distant memory. She had a hard time now even remembering what exactly his voice sounded like. He seemed less like a real person now and more like someone she met in a dream or like someone from a former life. More and more, it felt like Maritza was the most important person to her. They were always there for each other and the relationship relieved the boredom and occasional depression that prison life engendered.

In the past couple days, Flaca noticed that Maritza wasn't her usual perky and sassy self and had a rather somber expression on her face most of the time. She began to wonder if Maritza was in some sort of trouble and decided to ask her about it tonight before the movie.

* * *

 _Maritza told Flaca what had happened with Humphrey._

Flaca held her close. Maritza rested her head on Flaca's shoulder.

"Mataré a ese hijoputa si vuelve a tocarte." Flaca told her. Maritza nodded slightly. She wanted to get back at Humphrey too but for the moment she felt some relief knowing that her friend was there for her.

"I'm so done with this shithole. I fucking hate this place! I'd rather be anywhere but here." Maritza said as she wept. Flaca nodded while gently rubbing Maritza's back consoling her. The two sat in silence for a moment.

"If you could go anywhere, where would it be?" Flaca asked trying to take Maritza's mind off the whole incident with the baby mouse.

After a moment's pause, Maritza lifted her head to look at Flaca and then replied, "Italy. The food alone would be worth it."

"Yeah, I'm sure real Italian pizza would be so good." Flaca commented.

Maritza cracked a faint smile and nodded in agreement. "For sure." It was the first time Flaca had seen Maritza smile in a while. It brought Flaca some relief that she was able to cheer up her friend a little.

"You could ride those funny looking boats through the canals in Venice." Flaca joked.

"Yeah, I suppose I could also go to the museums and see all the paintings." Maritza suggested. After thinking about it for a second, they both looked at each other and said "nah" in unison while shaking their heads and laughing lightly. Maritza rested her head on Flaca's shoulder again.

"Where would you go?" Maritza asked Flaca after a few seconds' pause.

After thinking about it for a minute, Flaca replied. "England. Depeche Mode, the Smiths, all the best 80's bands are from there."

Maritza lifted her head to look at Flaca "Isn't London one of the fashion capitals of the world?"

"Yeah." Flaca said in an uplifting tone as she tilted her head to the side in her characteristic manner. "We could be fashion models and shit."

"We'd be rich and famous." Maritza added. "And we could spend our summers yachting in the Mediterranean."

Flaca smiled nodding her head in her usual suave manner.

 _They talked for several more hours until bedtime._

* * *

That night after the guards did their final checks; Maritza got up and slipped into Flaca's bed. Startled and not knowing who it was at first, Flaca immediately sat up and spun around. After seeing it was Maritza, Flaca relaxed and laid back down.

"Hey" Flaca whispered softly.

"Hey" Maritza replied, she saw the confusion and concern in Flaca's facial expression. "¿Está OK si me quedo contigo? No quiero estar sola ahora mismo."

"Claro" Flaca said softly. Maritza and Flaca both closed their eyes and tried to get comfortable. In the process, Flaca moved her left hand up slightly and accidently brushed it against Maritza's, she was about to move it away when she felt Maritza take hold of her hand and squeeze it gently. They both opened their eyes and looked at each other. Almost instinctively, Flaca extended her arm and Maritza moved into her embrace resting her head on Flaca's shoulder and placing her arm around Flaca's waist. Flaca wrapped her arms around the petit girl and held her.

This place had really gotten Maritza down lately. She was vulnerable right now and needed to feel this warmth and affection from her friend.

"Te amo, Flaca." Maritza whispered. Feeling safe and cared for in Flaca's arms, Maritza quickly fell asleep. Flaca couldn't bring herself to say the same to Maritza. She knew Maritza referred to love in a platonic sense but she couldn't say that her feelings were restricted to this sense of the word. Even so, she was just happy to be her friend and put these other confusing thoughts out of her mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: This chapter is told predominantly from Flaca's point of view. Flaca and Maritza are a bit O.O.C. (out of character). Also, I tried to indicate who was speaking whenever I thought it might be ambiguous.

*****Chapter 2*****

It had been three months since the prison riot ended. Flaca and Maritza had been taken to separate maximum security prisons. The daily routine in max was far worse than in Litchfield. It was even more overcrowded than Litchfield had been towards the end.

Flaca faced the constant fear of violence. A fight could happen anyplace, she got used to living on the edge and never letting her guard down anywhere or anytime. It was a miserable existence. The Spanish Harlem here had taken her under their wing. They were pretty tough women who had all been convicted of violent crimes. She wouldn't dare cross any of them or they would take her out without a second thought.

Flaca always had a feisty personality and didn't hesitate to throw down in the past. After a few weeks in max, this got her in trouble with some of the white supremacists. On one occasion, four of them jumped her in the bathroom. First, they roughed her up. Then, one of them brandished a shiv and sliced her across the face while the others restrained her. The wound didn't heal well and left a nasty scar all the way from the corner of her jaw bone up to the side of her nose. She kept to herself a lot more after that and started carrying around her own make-shift weapons, just in case.

She recognized some of the other prisoners from Litchfield in max, namely Taystee. The invisible lines of racial segregation were strictly maintained by every prisoner, so she didn't have the opportunity to talk to her much as they stuck to their own groups. Besides which, she now bore a grudge against Taystee. She heard through the grapevine that it was Taystee who had rejected the governor's deal. In a sense, Taystee was the reason she was in max right now fighting a daily struggle for survival. And the reason she was separated from Maritza.

Flaca had thought about Maritza every day, missed her terribly, and hoped she was okay. She longed to hold Maritza in her arms again and she often thought about the time they spent together. They had written letters to each other and from the sounds of it, Maritza wasn't doing much better than her.

* * *

 _Today some of the prisoners from another max facility were being transferred to this one. Among them were some of the former prisoners from Litchfield, including Maritza._

Flaca was outside joking and bullshitting with the other Latinas. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw busses pull up. Everyone stopped what they were doing and approached the gates of the yard to see who would descend from them.

"What's goin' on?" One of the other Latinas asked.

"Are they transferring more prisoners here?" Flaca asked.

As the C.O.'s began unloading the busses full of prisoners, Flaca recognized a few faces from Litchfield among the rows of new inmates. Then she saw Maritza get off one of the busses! Her heart leapt. Flaca wanted to shout out to Maritza immediately but she restrained herself for fear of punishment by the guards, who were all very strict and often exacted excessively harsh punishments. Maritza also didn't look in her direction, so Flaca wasn't able to get her attention.

* * *

Flaca went to the cafeteria for lunch with the rest of the Spanish Harlem. After lining up, she noticed Maritza standing in line by herself. Still not wanted to risk upsetting the guards who were determined to maintain strict order in this place Flaca waited until they had both gotten food before getting Maritza's attention.

Maritza was looking for a place to sit when Flaca came up behind her, "Maritza!"

Maritza spun around and upon seeing Flaca, her forlorn expression immediately turned into an at least moderately cheerful one. "Flaca!" After a few seconds, her eyes had even become watery she was so happy to see her friend.

"Follow me!" Flaca directed them to the end of the table where the other Latinas were sitting and they sat down. The others were too engaged in their own conversation to pay much attention to them.

"Can you see okay?" Flaca asked remembering that one of the SWAT team shot something at her causing her to lose her vision temporarily.

"I can but my vision's all fucked up now. Before, I had like 20/20. And the medical in max sucks!" Maritza replied. She got a good look at Flaca for the first time and noticed the scar. "What happened to your face?" Flaca could sense the concern in her tone of voice.

"Never mind." Flaca brushed off the question.

"Are you okay?" Maritza immediately realized that was a stupid question, neither of them had really been okay in a long time.

"I'm fine." Flaca replied. "How are you holding up?"

"Never better." Maritza replied sardonically. She looked down at her plate and twirled around the pile of goop on it, their so-called lunch.

Their conversation lacked the characteristic sarcasm and humor. The truth was that their short time in max had broken them. They lived in constant fear. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but it was always there. Simply staying alive consumed their thoughts most of the time. It had changed their personalities to a certain extent.

"I don't know how much more of max I can take." – Maritza

"I know, this place is rough!" – Flaca

"I'm just not a fighter." – Maritza

"You are! Just in your own way!" Flaca tried to reassure her.

They both sat quietly for a while trying to eat their unappetizing lunch.

"Yo, our channel was so successful, when we get outta here; we're gonna be YouTube stars!" Flaca tried to lighten the mood with their characteristic banter from their Litchfield days.

"Totally! We could have our own fashion show!" – Maritza

"We could give makeovers to famous actresses and shit." – Flaca

"Maybe we could even become actresses?" – Maritza

"Yeah, with my new look, I could play all sorts of supervillains." Flaca remarked making fun of her now rather hideous appearance. They both smiled. "You could play like the damsel in distress or somethin'?"

"Uh, fuck that!" Maritza said with a sarcastic facial expression. "I'd be like Wonder Woman or whatshername from the Hunger Games. It's important for young girls to see strong female role models."

"Absolutely!" Flaca nodded in a very serious yet exaggerated manner, before they both laughed mildly.

After a moment's pause, the conversation resumed with a slightly more serious tone.

"I missed you so much." Maritza said looking down at her food.

"I thought about you all the time." Flaca said looking up at her.

"I'd give anything to feel your arms around me right now." – Maritza

"Me too." – Flaca

Emotionally and physically, they had both felt very alone in the past several months. At Litchfield, they would often touch each other (in a non-sexual way): hugging, cuddling, and holding hands. This human contact did a lot to help relieve stress and comfort each other emotionally. Flaca would have reached across the table so that they could hold hands at least but she didn't want the inevitable commentary about it from the other Latinas.

"I know, it's okay." Maritza could read this from Flaca's facial expression and eye movements.

 _After they finished their lunch, they were moved to separate wings of the prison._

* * *

 _Flaca and Maritza only saw each other once every few days during meals or time outside. They more or less picked things up where they left off and soon it was as if they had never been apart. They would cheer each other up and make each other laugh. Their meet-ups became the highlight of their week, something to look forward to._

One day during their time outside, Maritza noticed that Flaca was upset.

"What's wrong?" – Maritza

"My brother just got sent to max." – Flaca

"For what?" – Maritza

"He was selling" – Flaca

"¡Mierda!" – Maritza

"Now who's gonna take care of my mother?" Flaca was visibly distraught. "Fuck!" She moaned. "I'm tryin'…. but sometimes…. I don't know." She sighed and paused for a second before continuing, "I just feel so helpless inside this place."

"I know." Maritza didn't really know what to say.

"What am I gonna do?" Flaca sighed again heavily. She was really worried that her mother's condition would get worse before she got out and there was no one around to take care of her, or at least check in on her periodically.

"You get out before I do, right?" – Flaca

"Yeah, I think so. Why?" – Maritza

"Could you check on my mother, just once or twice? Just make sure she's okay and all, that's it." Flaca asked. Maritza could sense the desperation in Flaca's voice.

"Of course." – Maritza

Flaca gave a faint smile and seemed to relax a little. Maritza was happy that she was able to alleviate some of her friend's anxiety. She also felt touched by how much trust Flaca placed in her by asking her to look after a family member. This trust strengthened their friendship even more.

* * *

 _Shortly thereafter, Maritza was moved to the same wing of the prison as Flaca and the other Latinas. This meant that they could spend a lot more time together now and even hang out in each other's cells for part of the day._

When Flaca got to the kitchen to begin her usual morning shift, the guard on duty called her over.

"You're not working today, we just found out you're being transferred to another max facility this afternoon. You are to go to your cell and pack your belongings." The guard said calmly.

"What?" Flaca shouted from the sudden shock of the news. Everything had just changed in an instant. She had spent time getting to know everyone in the Spanish Harlem here and spent time building up a rapport with them. Now she would have to give it up just like that and start over someplace else. What was worse is that she was reunited with Maritza not too long ago and now they would be separated again. She had to see Maritza before she left.

She went back to the wing of the prison where they were staying and found Maritza with some of the other Latinas.

As she approached, one of them asked, "Hey Flaca, I thought you had to work today."

"No, apparently I'm getting transferred." Flaca managed to say trying to hide how upset she was about it.

The smiles disappeared from their faces.

"That sucks!" One of them said.

"We're gonna miss you." Another one of them said. They weren't happy to see her leave but they were long accustomed to random prison transfers occurring without any notice and didn't think much of it. Some of them had learned the hard way not to get too attached to anyone. They soon resumed their conversation.

Although Maritza was good at hiding it to the untrained eye, Flaca could tell when she was distressed. She motioned for Maritza to follow her.

"Dame un silbato si una guardia se acerca a mi celda." Flaca asked one of the Latinas.

"¡Claro!" One of them winked.

The two of them made their way up to Flaca's cell on the second story and went inside. Maritza sat down on the bed. Flaca stood leaning against the wall.

"When are you leaving?" Maritza asked looking at her.

"This afternoon." Flaca replied. She looked at Maritza who then immediately looked at the ground. Maritza was somewhat at a loss for words; she looked as if her world had just crashed down around her.

"They treat us like animals. They just move us around from one cage to the next whenever they feel like it. Fuck this!" – Flaca.

"I feel like it's that day when we were put on separate buses. I hate it." – Maritza.

Flaca nodded. "I gotta pack my shit up."

 _For the next couple hours while Flaca cleaned out her space, they talked: reminiscing about the good times and bad, imagining their future outside of prison, and listing all their grand and ambitious plans._

"I gotta go; my shift starts in ten minutes." Maritz said as she stood up and made her way over to where Flaca was still cleaning.

They looked at each other and didn't even try to hide how unhappy they both felt. Before they were about to part ways, Maritza leaned in to give Flaca a kiss goodbye. It was only supposed to be a peck on the cheek. But Flaca leaned in as well tilting her head (to compensate for her height) and in the confusion, their lips ended up meeting and they held the kiss for a long couple of seconds.

After they separated, it seemed to Flaca that Maritza had not only a confused look on her face, but one that suggested that she was even slightly repulsed by what had just taken place. Maritza looked down at Flaca's lips and then back up to meet her gaze. Flaca was suddenly filled with dread that she had just unwittingly taken advantage of her friend. Maritza could see the worry in her eyes.

All of Flaca's fears were dispelled as Maritza placed her hands on either side of Flaca's head and gently pulled her in for another kiss. They both closed their eyes as their lips met. This kiss was much deeper. Their breathing slowed and became heavier. Their mouths opened and their tongues danced around each other. Flaca felt a pang of longing and desire burn within her. She could feel her heart racing as she blushed and began to feel warm all over. She was no longer aware of the noise and bustle outside and for a moment the only thing she perceived was Maritza's warm lips pressed against hers.

Flaca felt tears roll down her cheeks not from sorrow, but from the sheer emotional overload she was experiencing. As the kiss continued, they began to move back and forth in rhythm to maintain it. Neither wanted to break the kiss, but eventually they did. They both took a second to catch their breath. Breathing slowly but heavily, Maritza rested her forehead against Flaca's. Her hands still pressed lightly against the sides of Flaca's face. The taller girl placed her hands on top of Maritza's, their fingers intertwined.

For Maritza, this kiss was completely unlike the last one. This time she felt something… intense. She had blushed and felt warm inside.

"What was that?" – Maritza asked.

Flaca shook her head and shrugged her shoulders as if to say she didn't know.

Maritza noticed Flaca's tears and asked, "What's wrong?"

"I don't want us to be separated again." – Flaca said as the tears started flowing more freely.

"I love you, Flaca." – Maritza

"I love you too. I should've said it before." – Flaca

"I have to go." Maritza moved a step or two away in an attempt to leave but Flaca didn't let go of her hand.

Flaca came up and hugged her from behind wrapping her arms around the petite girl and bending her head down so that she could rest it lightly on Maritza's left shoulder. Maritz leaned her head back resting it on the taller Latina's right shoulder. They really hadn't had an opportunity to hug or hold each other at all since Maritza got here as they hadn't had much time alone. It was so comforting for both of them to hold each other like this. They both felt loved and needed by the other.

"I wish we could stay like this forever." – Flaca

Maritza turned her head and kissed Flaca on the cheek. They both savored the moment for just a little longer.

Then Maritza broke the embrace and made for the entrance to the cell. This time, Flaca made no attempt to stop her.

"Don't forget to write!" Maritza said as she left and disappeared down the hallway. To Flaca, it sounded as if Maritza's voice had cracked as she was trying to hold back tears.

For Maritza, it was a struggle to keep herself together and not breakdown. She didn't want to make this goodbye any more difficult than it had to be and then walk into her shift an emotional wreck. She had to appear strong at all times. The other prisoners and even the guards would strike at the first sign of weakness. She tried to put Flaca out of her mind and eventually her cool and calm composure returned.

Now that Maritza was gone, Flaca felt empty. She dried her tears and left the cell to go wait for the prison bus. She could only hope the next facility wouldn't be any worse than this one.

 _After Flaca was transferred, they would not see each other again for quite some time._


	3. Chapter 3

(Author's Note: I would like to thank everyone for reviewing the previous chapters. Flaca and Maritza are even more OOC in this chapter. I try to be true to the TV show and maintain the characters' personalities as much as possible, but it is difficult to take the plot in a new direction without exploring new facets of their characters.)

*****Chapter 3*****

Maritza spent two long years in max before being released on probation. She moved to New York and resumed her former profession as a cocktail waitress. As it so happened, she caught the eye of a wealthy business man one night (a real Merrill Lynch/Goldman Sachs type guy). He made his intentions known and after a brief courtship, they got married. It was a cynical relationship, he saw in her a trophy wife and she saw in him a means of financial security. They had a nice sky-rise apartment in Manhattan, ate $1000 meals whenever they felt like it, and lived a luxurious life. Eventually, Maritza arranged for Juliana came to live with them and her husband arranged for her daughter to attend one of the elite private schools in the area.

While he was kind to them and provided for them, their relationship was really devoid of any love. Soon Maritza occupied a position in his life not much more important than the paintings on the walls or the cat on the sofa. She was an accessory for when he attended lavish dinner parties and business functions. Over time, he took on numerous affairs. She felt alone and neglected. Her only real joy was that she was with Juliana and could now send her to an excellent school allowing her to get a great education and better career prospects than would have ever been possible otherwise.

Maritza stopped visiting Flaca in max after she got married as it would have been difficult for her to get away from her husband for so long. He was never aggressive or mean about it but would always politely insist that one of his personal chauffeurs escort her in a private limo/car whenever she had to go anywhere. He would argue that it was safer that way and that the subways and taxis were too dirty. The chauffeur would of course report on all their whereabouts back to her husband.

Maritza also stopped responding to Flaca's letters. Her husband collected the mail which was delivered to a P.O. box to which only he had the key and she didn't want him to find out about her former life. However, she did write one final letter to Flaca saying not to contact her again. Sometimes Maritza felt like she was in prison again or under virtual house arrest. But her husband could be very manipulative; he was always so nice and polite when insisting on these arrangements arguing that he was just trying to make things easier for her. It got to the point that Maritza wondered if it was all just in her head.

Flaca got out of prison three years after Maritza. She stayed with her mom temporarily. Theresa Gonzales spoke very fondly of Maritza who kept her promise and came to visit and check in on her. It warmed her heart to hear her mother talk about Maritza in that way. After a short time, Flaca moved to New York. She found a job in a coffee shop in the Bronx and a modestly-sized one bedroom studio nearby.

In her last letter, Maritza had left her cell phone number so that Flaca could reach her. Flaca contacted her and they arranged to meet in a café near Harlem. She was trying to be discreet in picking the location. It was close enough that the chauffeur driving her wouldn't question it but far enough that she hoped to avoid being recognized by someone she knew from her husband's very large circle of friends. Maritza knew she was taking a slight risk by meeting someone from past life like this, but she desperately wanted to see Flaca again.

Maritza got there first and found a table for two near the back. When Flaca came in the door, Maritza almost didn't recognize her at first as she had never seen her without prison garb on. Flaca was dressed in her gothic style clothing and make-up. Her style hadn't changed much since her high school days. Meanwhile, Maritza sported a black two piece matched skirt suit. The contrast between the two of them was quite stark and somewhat amusing. As soon as she saw Maritza, Flaca waved and smiled as she approached. Maritza was kind of amazed at how much softer Flaca's demeanor looked now. She seemed just like any nice ordinary girl rather than the tough Latina she had always known in prison.

When Flaca got to the table, Maritza stood up and they embraced each other.

"Hey. I missed you so much." – Flaca

"Me too." – Flaca

They sat down.

"Thanks for checking on my mom." – Flaca

"Yeah, for sure! How's life on the outside?" – Martiza

"Great!" Flaca said at first. But then she thought about it for a moment, frowned slightly, and her face took on a pensive expression.

"But at the same time, I don't know… it's a little... disorienting. I feel kinda lost. Like what am I supposed to do? My day isn't planned out, there's no one ordering me around, except for my boss now I guess. The freedom can be a bit overwhelming. But yeah, it's great. Did you feel that way too?" – Flaca

"Yeah, I did." – Maritza

"Seems like you've gotten used to life on the outside, huh?" – Flaca

"I suppose." – Maritza

"What do you mean?" – Flaca

"Nothing." – Maritza

"Where do you work?" Maritza was curious to know what Flaca was doing as she mentioned she had a boss.

"At a café in the Bronx, I know how to make all those fancy expresso drinks now." Flaca said in a confident manner with a smile across her face.

Maritza smiled but didn't say anything.

"Speaking of jobs, you look like some fancy business exec in that suit. What are you, like a CEO now or somethin'?" – Flaca asked jokingly.

"Not exactly" Maritza said softly cracking a faint smile before looking down at her coffee.

Flaca looked down at Martiza's coffee cup then back up to her. Flaca's cheerful mood began to fade as Maritza seemed generally unresponsive.

"What's wrong?" – Flaca

"Nothing. Why?" – Maritza

"I don't know. You just seem kinda… distant." – Flaca

"And don't take this the wrong way, but you're kinda coming across as a stuck-up bitch." After saying this, Flaca looked as if she was trying to hold back a laugh.

It took a second to register with Maritza and she maintained a straight face throughout. She had gotten so used to high society where no one every criticized anyone directly to their face, only behind their back. For a second, Maritza was so shocked at how direct the criticism had been she didn't know how to respond. She had forgotten the brutal honesty with which people in prison talked to each other all the time. Flaca however was released more recently, so it was still fresh in her mind. But a second later, Maritza realized that Flaca didn't mean anything by it and was just giving her shit for the fun of it. Upon realizing this, Maritza laughed and Flaca joined her.

In a way, this honest way of speaking was refreshing. Maritza had gotten so used to being surrounded by people who never revealed to you what they actually thought. You never knew if what they were saying was genuine. You also learned never to reveal anything about yourself, never to let anyone inside, and just to keep everything at the surface. With Flaca, it had been the complete opposite. Maritza had always felt that she could tell her anything and didn't have to hide her real personality. This only made Maritza long to have Flaca back in her life that much more.

"So, you gonna tell me what you're up to, or what?" – Flaca

"What do you wanna know?" This time, Maritza asked with a faint smile on her face and she seemed more engaged.

"I don't know…where you living?" – Flaca

"432 Park Avenue" – Maritza

"Damn! How can you afford a place like that? You must be making bank at your job? What are you like a stock broker?" – Flaca asked in a half-joking manner but genuinely curious at this point.

"Ugh, No. It's actually my husband's place." – Maritza

Flaca froze and took a moment to take this in as she had no idea Maritza was married. She suddenly felt a sickening feeling in her gut. Emotionally she felt like complete shit as the stress and adrenaline kicked in giving her this fight-or-flight response.

"Oh." This was all Flaca could manage to say for the time being.

After a moment's pause, Flaca regained her composure.

"How long have you guys been together?" – Flaca

"We got married two years ago." – Maritza

"Well, congratulations!" Flaca tried to sound happy and hide how upset this news had made her. She didn't do a very good job of it.

"Thanks." Martiza said in a flat monotone voice.

"Do I get to meet the lucky man?" – Flaca

Maritza shook her head. Her cold indifference started to anger Flaca.

"Why not? Am I an embarrassment to you?" – Flaca

Without replying, Maritza looked down at her coffee and twirled the spoon around in it. Flaca realized what Maritza meant by her body language.

"He doesn't know you were in the slammer does he?" Flaca asked in a judgmental way. This judgmental tone did not go unnoticed by Maritza.

"Oh what? You think you're better than me?" – Maritza

"At least I don't lie and manipulate people." Flaca wasn't even quite sure where this was coming from. Maybe she was just hurt that Maritza hadn't written/visited her for the last two years she was in prison and hadn't told her what she was doing.

"Oh really? Isn't that how you wound up in prison in the first place?" As soon as the words came out, Maritza realized she had crossed a line and immediately regretted it.

Flaca was speechless and honestly a bit heartbroken that her supposed best friend had just used her personal secrets against her like this.

"How could you say that to me?" – Flaca

"I'm sorry, that wasn't fair." Maritza said wishing she could take back what she said.

But Flaca was enraged now; she wouldn't listen to anything else Maritza had to say. She waved her hands as if to tell Maritza that nothing else she had to say mattered.

"You know what, fuck you!" Flaca stood up, grabbed her coat, and stormed out of the café as quickly as possible.

"Wait!" Maritza yelled after her as she got up. But by then, Flaca was gone.

Flaca kept herself together until she reached her apartment. When she got home, she collapsed on her bed and just fell apart. She cried all night and cried herself to sleep.

She thought that they would include each other in their future plans after they got out of prison. Especially if one of them had gotten married, the other would be the maid of honor. Maybe they could have started a business together? Maybe if they never found any men worthy of them, they could have bought a house and lived together? They would've been best friends forever.

She felt like Maritza had just blown her off. She had thought that she and Maritza had felt something during that last kiss, something special. She had thought that they had formed an inseparable bond. Now she felt like she had been delusional and had misread the situation entirely.

Why was it even hurting her this badly? Emotionally, she felt like she was in agony right now. After thinking about everything for a moment, Flaca came to a realization. Was it possible that she was _in_ love with Maritza? The way she thought about Maritza, the way she looked at her.

This realization only brought her more pain. Not only had she lost her love, but also her best friend.

One thing she knew for sure now, she wanted to leave town and try and forget about Maritza. She wanted to go somewhere she had never been and start over. She wanted to leave behind anything that reminded her of her life up to this point.

* * *

A few days later, Flaca was relaxing in her apartment listening to music after she got off from her morning shift. She went over past events in her mind trying to understand how she misread things so badly. Her train of thought was interrupted by her cell phone vibrating. Maritza had texted her asking for her address and saying that she wanted to talk.

 _No! She was not going to text her back! She didn't want to talk to her!_ While Flaca told herself this mentally, her fingers typed the address into the phone and hit "send".

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" Flaca muttered to herself.

A few hours later Maritza arrived and Flaca let her in.

"Hey" Maritza said with a faint smile on her face.

"What do you want?" Flaca asked straight-faced.

"Sorry I was such a bitch yesterday. I don't know why I said that." – Maritza

Flaca was so overwhelmed with accepting that Maritza had married that she had almost forgotten what triggered her in the café.

"Forget about it!" Flaca said in a disinterested and cold manner.

Flaca still seemed upset and Maritza figured that something else must be bothering her.

"What? What is it?" – Maritza

Flaca looked at her for a moment and then looked away, but didn't say anything.

"Will you talk to me?" – Maritza

"We're Flaritza, we're supposed to do everything together." To Flaca, this seemed like the best way to encapsulate her feelings.

"You stopped responding to my letters, you stopped visiting me, and you started a whole new life without me." – Flaca

Maritza looked down at the floor thinking about what Flaca was saying.

"It hurts, you know." – Flaca

"I had thought that when we got out, we'd…" – Flaca trailed off.

"We'd what?" – Maritza

"We'd have a life together." – Flaca

"I had thought that we'd always be best friends too, but things are different now." – Maritza

"Yeah" Flaca said as if to suggest that that was self-evident.

"It's not that I don't want to." – Maritza

"I meant it when I said I loved you. I still do. I always will. I feel like you're my soulmate." – Maritza

Flaca's heart leapt when she heard these words come off of Maritza's lips. This eased her pain and sadness and after a moment most of it had dissipated. Maybe she hadn't misread the situation so badly after all. To a certain extent, she felt an inner peace with everything.

"But we're in different worlds now. In a way, I'm kinda in my own prison." – Maritza

"But you're happy now, right?" – Flaca

When Maritza didn't reply, Flaca looked at her. Maritza had the saddest expression on her face and looked like the loneliest person in the world. Flaca immediately understood that Maritza was not happy in this marriage. At times, she had an uncanny ability to read Maritza like a book, she knew her better than anyone.

"I'm sorry, Mari" Flaca said in a sincere way.

Flaca walked over to Maritza and they embraced. Flaca caressed her back consoling her.

"It's not so bad. My daughter's with me now and she's going to a good school, so she won't turn out to be a fuck-up like her mother." – Maritza

It was always so pleasant for Maritza to be held by Flaca, she hadn't felt so loved or cared for in a very long time. Maritza gave Flaca a peck on the cheek. Flaca blushed and tried to move away, but Maritza didn't let her go.

"What's wrong?" Maritza was slightly confused; they had never been squeamish about showing this type of affection towards one another in the past.

When Flaca looked at her, Maritza saw in her eyes that same tender and loving look right before that kiss they shared in max. Maritza had thought about that kiss a lot. When she did it, it was something impulsive; she had been so sad that her friend was leaving her again and didn't want her to go. For Maritza, the kiss had been warm and passionate. Part of the reason that kiss had been so passionate was the unconditional love she felt from Flaca in it. No one else had ever given her that or cared about her the way Flaca did. Her life was a lonely one these days and she longed to feel this affection from her friend again. She needed this.

She looked at Flaca's lips and then back up to meet her gaze. She ever so gently pulled Flaca towards her while proceeding to close her eyes. Flaca took the cue and kissed her. This kiss was like the last one. Neither of them had experienced anything like it since.

Although Maritza didn't realize it at the time it was happening, the last kiss had been a bit of a turn-on and had given rise to concupiscent dreams involving the taller girl. She had buried these deep in the recesses of her mind. At the time, she figured it happened because she had been starved of male company for so long and her friend was the next best thing, but now she began to question if that was really the reason.

They broke the kiss and looked lovingly into each other's eyes. Flaca leaned in and kissed Maritza again. Maritza hated to admit it but kissing Flaca had to come to feel natural… it felt right. And she enjoyed it. As these latent desires resurfaced, so did her confusion. _Why was her body doing this to her?_ She had been brought up being told this kind of desire was wrong. She had never felt this way about another woman in her life, had never even looked at one. She felt deeply ashamed about these feelings.

They broke the kiss.

"I'm not a lesbian." – Maritza

"Neither am I." – Flaca

"Then what are we doing?" – Martiza

"I don't fuckin' know." – Flaca

Maritza could have left right then and there, nobody would have stopped her. She knew she should leave. She was married now and if her husband ever found out about even this much…

But for Maritza, these passionate kisses were getting addicting. Dare she say it or even think it? She wanted more.

She looked at Flaca who returned her gaze with a caring yet concerned look in her eye.

"You should go." Flaca said thinking it would be less complicated if Maritza were to just leave right now, although she really didn't want her to.

"I should." Maritza "Do you want me to?"

Flaca shook her head.

Maritza turned around and walked back to the bed in the corner of the room. She sat down and motioned for Flaca to come sit next to her. Flaca did so. They looked lovingly into each other's eyes. Flaca leaned in for another kiss and in the process Maritza leaned back resting her body on the mattress. Flaca followed her maintaining the kiss. Flaca's hands moved from Maritza's face down to her shoulders, from there her hands trailed lightly across her breasts down her abdomen until she felt the hem of Maritza's blouse. Taking hold of it, she broke the kiss and gently lifted the blouse over Maritza's head. Her hands found their way to her skirt, unzipped it, and gently slid it off. Flaca's hands slid behind Maritza's back. Maritza arched her back allowing Flaca to undo her bra, and took it off. Lastly, she pulled Maritza's panties off; Maritza lifted her legs making this easier.

She gazed upon Maritza's naked form and couldn't help but admire her perfect body.

Maritza played with the taller girls' long black hair, twirling around the strands with her fingers.

Looking at Maritza, Flaca could see that she was getting a little nervous and was even shivering a little.

"Are you okay? Do you wanna stop?" – Flaca asked.

"No, I'm fine, just a little chilly." It was a bit cold in Flaca's poorly heated apartment in the New York autumn. With that, Maritza slipped under the covers.

"Come here!" Maritza motioned for Flaca to get under the covers with her.

Flaca undressed and slipped under the covers. She moved closer to Maritza and held her in her arms; Maritza placed one arm around Flaca's neck and the other above Flaca's arm resting her hand on her shoulder. They could feel their naked bodies against one another. They had never held each other so intimately before; now they were both shivering slightly from a mixture of apprehension and excitement.

"Are you sure about this?" Flaca asked.

"Are you?" Maritza returned the question knowing that both of them weren't.

They both leaned in simultaneously and their lips met.

They spent the rest of the day and all night making love to each other. They took things slow: caressing each other, exploring each other's bodies, and finding out what the other liked. At first, things were a little awkward and uncomfortable. But as the night went on, they became less self-conscious, shed their inhibitions, and lost themselves in each other.

For Maritza, sex had always been something she regarded as more of a chore rather than something enjoyable. The men she had been with just wanted to get in her pants and once their needs were taken care of she was left feeling unsatisfied and, even worse, used. This was different; it was a very sensual experience. Flaca had taken her time building the arousal to the point that Maritza even felt a little light-headed as the blood rushed to other parts of her body. She felt a burning desire from deep within her that seemed to put a gentle strain on every muscle in her body. She writhed under Flaca's care. She contracted any muscle demanded by her body as it approached the coming plateau; the tension was near breaking point. When the release came, it was by far the most intense climax she ever had. The complete trust and love that they shared with each other had allowed Maritza to truly surrender herself to Flaca's touch.

For Flaca, it was a little different. She was less experienced and at first she trembled under Maritza's touch. Maritza went slow and was very gentle until Flaca relaxed. Maritza was playful and a bit of a tease, she had Flaca tingling in places she never imagined possible. The build-up was slow. But as she got close, Flaca could feel the tension building in every muscle in her body. As Maritza brought her over the edge, Flaca felt the sweet release of that pent-up tension which came in wave after wave of ecstasy. The feeling of release was so intense that it pervaded her entire body and completely drained her of all her energy and strength. No one had ever gotten her off like that before. Maritza laid down next to her. Feeling weak, Flaca lazily pulled the covers over them and they snuggled up together.

Maritza turned her head and looked at Flaca who had a wide smile across her face.

"Did mama like it?" Maritza asked coyly as she placed her hand on Flaca's thigh. This act alone was enough to re-ignite faint stirrings of desire within her.

Flaca raised an eyebrow and cracked a grin answering Maritza's question. She pulled Maritza in for a kiss. "You drive me crazy, Mari."

Completely spent, Flaca fell asleep soon afterwards.

Maritza gazed at Flaca's sleeping form and took in her beautiful features: her long jet black hair partly matted against her face, her amazing and almost statuesque body, and her gorgeous countenance. She had a genuine demeanor and didn't much bother to hide her emotions. She displayed a tender and caring side towards her friends which you would immediately forget ever existed if you saw the stern and fearless side she displayed to her enemies. However, she could be reckless and never backed away from a fight. This was not without its consequences, Maritza thought as her eyes halted at the scar on Flaca's face. Hideous as the scar was, Maritza had gotten used to it. It had even become endearing, strange as that might sound. It was something unique to her body, unique to _her_ Flaca.

Maritza felt that this beautiful woman embracing her right now had saved her from the depths of despair and loneliness in prison and had given her a modicum of happiness and hope. Especially after Aleida had left and the incident with C.O. Humphrey, Maritza felt very vulnerable and alone at that time although she did her best to hide it. Flaca had been there for her and given her the love and affection that she desperately needed at that point. Maritza wasn't sure if she would've survived her time in prison without Flaca.

She closed her eyes and fell asleep in Flaca's arms.

The next day, they had the laziest day of their lives. They slept almost all day and didn't even bother getting out of bed. Their slumber was interrupted ever few hours by chitchatting, cuddling, and passionate love-making.

The morning after, Maritza got up, got dressed, and was headed for the door when Flaca reached out and gently grabbed her hand. Maritza stopped but didn't turn around to face Flaca.

"Don't go!" – Flaca

"I have to." Maritza said with her back turned. "And _this_ never happened!"

"Do you regret it?" – Flaca

"I didn't say that." – Maritza

"Are you ashamed of it?" – Flaca

"Aren't you?" – Maritza

"No. I'm not. I love you, Mari. I want to be with you. I want us to be together." – Flaca

"How would that work? We have no careers, no special skills. We wouldn't be able to make any money. We're gonna grow old someday. And then what? We're screwed." - Maritza

"We'll make it work!" – Flaca

"And what about Juliana?" – Maritza

"She'd stay with us. We'd take care of her together. You know I'd love her just like she's my own daughter. We'd be a family…" – Flaca

"Flaca, ENOUGH!" – Maritza yelled cutting her off. She felt Flaca let go of her hand.

Maritza turned around and saw Flaca lying under the covers with her back now turned to Maritza.

"I have to do what's best for my daughter." – Maritza

"Yeah, keep tellin' yourself that! I'll never speak of this again if that's what you want, but I'll never forget it."

Every time they had been separated in the past, it had broken Flaca's heart a little. It was like re-opening an old wound. And now she was about to walk out of her life again.

Maritza turned to leave. She stopped when Flaca spoke again.

"If you leave, don't come back! I can't go through this again." – Flaca.

"Remember when we were just best friends and we used to take each other's minds off our worries with our light-hearted talk and funny jokes?" – Maritza asked in a tone of voice which feigned cheerfulness but was obviously emotional and upset.

Flaca didn't respond.

"I feel like I could use some of that right about now instead of all this FUCKING DRAMA!" – Maritza raised her voice to the point of shouting at the end of the statement. She didn't really mean that, she was just confused and frustrated about her growing feelings for Flaca.

Flaca heard footsteps moving away from her and then a door being opening and slammed shut.

Flaca had finally come to terms with her feeling just in time for them to be separated again.

Flaca wasn't prepared for how much it was going to hurt to lose Maritza this time. There was an almost constant sinking feeling in her gut. The pain of loss was almost tangible. It was agonizing. The intensity of this pain never faded quickly; it was always a slow and gradual process. But it was always quick to return. It could be triggered by the smallest things. All it took was seeing a coffee cup that Maritza used while she was here for all those memories to come flooding back. Now this apartment would always remind her of Maritza. All the more reason she now wanted to leave.

* * *

Maritza had to clean herself up before her husband got home that evening. She had been in luck; she specifically visited Flaca while her husband was out of town on a business trip. Juliana was staying at a friend's house. She told one of the maids that she was visiting some family out of town in case her husband asked. She had the chauffeur drive her to the airport. Once he drove off, she took the subway to Flaca's place. She didn't really anticipate spending the entire time at Flaca's nor did she anticipate it being the most passionate two days of her life.

Back at her husband's place, she was in the bathroom brushing her hair after a long shower.

She couldn't stop thinking about Flaca wondering if she'd ever see her again. Memories of her time with Flaca raced through her mind, all the times they cheered each other up and made each other laugh.

Tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Marisol, me haces sentir plena." Maritza started sobbing uncontrollable.


	4. Chapter 4

(Author's Note: I'd like to thank everyone for reviewing the previous chapters. I really appreciate it. This is going to be the last chapter I post for a little while; I have been rather busy as of late.)

* * *

Flaca had decided to leave New York and start over someplace else. She packed up her stuff and gave her landlord two weeks' notice. She bought a plane ticket to London; she had always dreamed about going there. She had no idea how she would find a job there, but she would figure it out.

However, a few days before she had to vacate her apartment, she was contacted by some family members who told her that her mother's condition had taken a turn for the worse. Flaca immediately moved back to her mother's place.

Her mother was staying at the hospital. She went to the hospital and entered the room of Theresa Gonzales. Her mother looked very weak and frail. Her hair had turned almost white, she had lost a lot of weight, and there was swelling in areas of her neck. The doctors had told Flaca it was too late to operate to remove the tumor, they had also tried radiation but it was too painful. So now they were just giving her opioids to ease the pain. Theresa Gonzales was almost unrecognizable from Flaca's high school days or even since the last time she had seen her. The sight horrified Flaca. Where had her strict and yet caring mother gone? At first Theresa didn't notice that Flaca had entered the room. But when she did, her solemn expression disappeared and her face light up.

"Marisol" – Theresa

"Hi mamá" – Flaca

"How have you been? I haven't talked to you in a while." – Theresa

"I know. I'm sorry, I didn't call as often as I should've." – Flaca

"No, you didn't. I'm your mother after all. You should call and visit more often." – Theresa.

Flaca nodded.

"Where are you working now?" – Theresa

 _Here comes the usual litany of questions from her mother on what she was doing with her life_ , Flaca thought to herself.

"I'm still working at that café in the Bronx I told you about." – Flaca

"How much are you making?" – Theresa

"$12 per hour." – Flaca

"Are you saving up any money?" – Theresa

"Yeah, I'm saving up some." Flaca couldn't wait for these questions to end.

"Any long term plans? You're not going to work at that café for the rest of your life, are you?" – Theresa

"Mom, could we not talk about this now?" – Flaca

"You need to think about this! I wasn't thinking about it in my twenties either, but I wish I had been. I worry about you. You're 30 for Christ's sake!" – Theresa

Flaca didn't respond but looked at the floor.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" – Theresa

"No." – Flaca

"You're not still hung up over what's his name, are you?" – Theresa

"No mom. That was a long time ago." – Flaca

"Then why don't you find someone?" – Theresa

"I don't know; maybe I just don't really care about that." – Flaca

"I'd like to see you have a family someday, honey." – Theresa

Flaca didn't say anything but just looked at the floor.

"I'm really worried about you." – Theresa

"I'm FINE!" – Flaca

"What about any friends?" – Theresa

Flaca shrugged shoulders.

"What about that girl who came to visit me? She was really nice. Do you guys still hang out?" – Theresa

"I haven't talked to her in while." – Flaca

"Why not? You guys seemed really close, she seemed really nice. Don't take your friends for granted! There are very few people in this world who are truly your friends who would really do anything for you. She seemed like one of those people. You guys have to stick together!" –Theresa

Flaca continued to look at the floor, pursed her lips, and nodded her head in a way that feigned agreement but really suggested that her mother couldn't possibly understand the situation.

"Don't look at me like that. What?" – Theresa

"Nothing." Flaca shook her head slightly.

After looking at Flaca for a long while, Theresa's facial expression changed as if something had suddenly dawned on her. Theresa thought she knew what was going on. She thought the best way to get through to her daughter was to relate a story from earlier in her life.

"You know, when your father and I first came to this country, we were living in LA. This was back in the early 80's before you and your brother were born. Your father drove a semi-truck around the country, so he was away for long periods of time. The community was close and I got to know everyone pretty well. There was another young woman in the neighborhood named Maria and we struck up a friendship. She was about the same age as me, but she already had two kids. Her husband was away a lot as well. We quickly became best friends and did almost everything together. I also helped take care of her kids which I think she appreciated." – Theresa

Flaca became somewhat intrigued. Her mother never really talked much about that time in her life before.

Theresa paused for a minute and looked as if she was struggling to find the right words before continuing.

"You know how with a lot of people you meet, even if you know them forever, you never really click with them. And after a while together, conversation with that person can still feel forced and you feel like you need a break. It wasn't like that with Maria and I; we really clicked. Conversation between us was always natural and effortless. It was so easy being around her. I almost felt like I had found my other half." – Theresa.

To Flaca, this whole situation sounded remarkably similar to her and Maritza.

Theresa hesitated before continuing.

"She would always brighten my day. We always knew how to make each other laugh. After a while, I started to look at her a little differently. When I saw her, I would start to feel this rush like butterflies in my stomach. Every time we held hands, I felt wonderful… I felt like I could do anything. One time, we were having a picnic in the park with her kids. They were running around and playing off in the distance. She said she loved me and I told her I felt the same way about her. Of course, there are different kinds of love. But we both knew what was being said." – Theresa

Flaca was in total disbelief at this story her mom was telling her but managed to ask, "What happened after that?"

"Nothing really. We stayed close friends. We were pretty much inseparable until your father and I came to New York after he got a job here. We wrote letters to each other for a while. Eventually, Maria and her husband went back to Venezuela for whatever reason. At that point… we lost touch with each other." – Theresa

Flaca was still stunned by this story that her mother had just told her.

"I never told your father about it. I certainly never told any of them about it." – Theresa said glancing at their relatives outside the door.

"I still think about her sometimes." – Theresa

"Did you not love dad?" – Flaca

"No, I loved your father. And he was good to me; at least before he took off. But I married him when I was very young and naïve. When you get older, sometimes you think about what might have been. Not just about this, but about a lot of other things too." – Theresa

It was obvious to Theresa that Flaca was deeply moved by this story.

"I guess what I'm trying to say as your mother is that I want you to be successful at work, be a good Catholic, and have a traditional family. As a friend, I want you to be happy. Some people do all the things I just mentioned and are still miserable their whole lives. If there's someone who's truly special to you… If they make you happy… If they make you want to improve yourself and become a better person… Then fuck it, you only live once! Be happy! Life is short." – Theresa

Theresa Gonzales had always been a conservative and strict mother. Flaca was in shock hearing her talk this way.

She was snapped out of it by some violent coughs from her mother.

"Are you okay? Are you in pain?" – Flaca

Her mom shook her head no, although she never would've admitted it if she were. "I'm a little tired, but other than that I'm fine."

Flaca looked sad and Theresa did her best to cheer her daughter up.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. As soon as the doctors are finished with these tests, I'll be back home sowing again." She said with a smile.

To Flaca, her mom sounded hopeful as if she expected to get out of the hospital very soon. She also seemed to have a certain amount of vigor and determination. This put Flaca at ease, maybe she didn't need to worry quite as much as her relatives had told her. Maybe her mom would be okay?

But as it would turn out, that was the last coherent conversation Flaca would have with her mother. Over the next several weeks, her mother's pain became increasingly worse to the point that she was taking oxycodone pills almost constantly. She became confused about where she was and who was in the room with her. She became convinced that random people were sneaking into her room in the middle of the night and scratching the paint off the walls.

Watching her mother descend into madness was almost unbearable. The person who seemed so rational only a few days ago was now deranged. What had happened to her mother? It broke Flaca's heart.

At the insistence of some of her family members, Flaca went home for a night to take a break. The next day, she got to the hospital first thing in the morning. Before she could enter the room, her uncle told her that Theresa Gonzales had passed away the previous night.

It took a little while for this to sink in and for Flaca to come to the understanding that her mother was really gone. If she had to summarize her feelings in a single word, it would have to be "emptiness". Her mother had just been talking about her future plans not long ago, and now she was gone… forever.

This person – who gave birth to her, raised her, took care of her, and taught her how to survive in the world – was now a lifeless corpse. Flaca had never been devoutly religious but now clung to the idea or the hope that her mother's consciousness existed somewhere on some level. She couldn't accept that her mother was truly gone.

After the funeral, Flaca decided to stay at her mother's apartment until the end of the month when the rent would expire and she would have to clear the place out. She laid on the couch for almost three days straight listening to all her favorite music in an attempt to get herself out of this destructive state of mind. She felt truly alone right now.

Her mother had some liquor in the freezer and her brother had drugs hidden away in his room. But she decided not to turn to these to escape from her pain; she was going to be brave and feel this pain, endure it, and survive it. The incredible feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and isolation were overwhelming at times. Never before had she felt so insignificant, fragile, and weak.

No one was there to comfort her. Staring at the ceiling and listening to her favorite tunes on infinite repeat for days, she managed to confront these feelings and find the strength to overcome her grief all on her own. Having done so, she became a stronger person.

But her heart wasn't completely healed yet.

A few days later, some friends of hers asked her if she wanted to go clubbing with them. Maybe this was just what she needed to take her mind off things? Most of her good friends from high school were there and even Ian was among them. Seeing Ian was like meeting up with an old friend. Both of them had long since moved on from the relationship they once had, but it was nice to catch up and reminisce about old times.

Throughout all of this, she had received numerous text messages from Maritza which she chose to ignore.

* * *

 _Maritza and Juliana were in the apartment alone._

Maritza tried to forget about what had happened with her tall friend but her mind kept drifting back to it. If she ignored all the feelings of religious guilt from childhood and instead just focused on the experience, she couldn't believe how good it felt with Flaca… physically, emotionally, and in every way. She was still a bit confused about it. She was definitely straight and had never questioned it, the only exception being Flaca.

What mattered more than this minor identity crisis was how she felt about Flaca.

For Maritza, the world had always been a vicious and immoral place. She had no faith in the good nature of people. You were either the user or the one being used. She pretended to be a ditz and a flake, but this was all an act to protect herself. Having been burned in the past, she learned not to let anyone inside. Trust no one! Never appear weak! She was able to protect herself this way, but it also brought with it a sense of isolation. She felt alone in the world with only herself to rely on.

At first, her friendship with Flaca was no different than any other; she kept her distance and didn't let her guard down. She assumed that they were merely friends of convenience in prison.

But gradually things changed. One thing after another brought them closer together: the kiss, the baby mouse incident, and the YouTube channel. Bit by bit, she opened up to Flaca and began to trust her. Maritza even told Flaca she loved her and she meant it (if only in a platonic sense). Eventually, she had come to think that they had formed an inseparable bond.

Despite all this, still in the back of her mind Maritza thought that in the end this friendship might only last as long as their prison sentence.

Maybe they were just using each other to survive in that place?

Maybe Flaca would move on as soon as she got out?

That was partially why Maritza had decided not to wait for her friend to be released and started a new life without her.

Why should she wait anyways? They were only friends. It's not like there was anything more. Although that kiss before they were separated for the last time did make things a little confusing….

Still, Maritza had kind of always assumed that their friendship would probably end when they got out of prison. But time and again, even after she got married and had told Flaca not to write her anymore, her mind kept coming back to their time together. In fact, their times together were some of Maritza's happiest memories. She didn't realize what she had taken for granted until it was gone, her best friend. She wanted to see Flaca again, but now Maritza was in a situation with her husband that did not really allow her to go and seek her out.

But Flaca hadn't forgotten about her. When she was released, she found Maritza almost immediately and had believed all the bullshit plans they had talked about. Flaca even said she had wanted a life with her.

Maritza was a bit scared by Flaca's admission but was also touched.

It became clear to Maritza through Flaca's words and actions that Flaca really did care about her.

It was more than them simply relying on each other in order to survive in prison or some kind of alliance forged for mutual protection in that hellhole. Nor was it some manipulative power dynamic like all of Maritza's other relationships and friendships had been.

It was love that Flaca felt for her.

The bond they had formed wasn't evanescent (as Maritza had suspected), but everlasting.

Flaca could have gone anywhere and done anything after she got out. But instead, Flaca found her.

Maritza was genuinely moved. No one had ever been this devoted to her. No one had ever loved her this much.

And in the moment, she had decided to make love to this person; it didn't matter that it was with another woman. She finally let herself accept the love she felt for Flaca, feelings that she had been too afraid to confront before. She had never really loved anyone this way, certainly not Juliana's father. Nor had she ever felt this close to anyone. She felt that she had really found her soulmate.

She wanted her tall friend back. But Flaca had no place in the world she was in now.

Maritza enjoyed this luxurious life she had now and liked not having to worry about money.

But in a way, she felt dead inside. She felt like she had no control over anything in her life. It was like being in prison again and she wanted to escape. She wanted to feel alive and have control over her own life again.

She could never have imagined thinking this before going to prison, but she was ready to give up all this luxury in order to have a life with Flaca. She knew it was fucking crazy. But she was ready to do it.

The thing holding her back now was Juliana. She wouldn't be able to send her daughter to a good school by herself. On their own, Juliana would wind up in a school full of delinquents at best. That was why she refused Flaca's offer last time; she had to sacrifice what she wanted for her daughter.

"Mom" – Juliana

Maritza suddenly snapped out of it.

"What is it, sweetie?" – Maritza

"You seem sad." Juliana said in a very innocent and kid-like manner.

Maritza was a bit taken aback. _Had she been that obvious?_

"Why would you say that honey?" Maritza asked after cracking a faint smile.

"You never smile anymore. You're always staring at the floor or out the window very seriously. You seem really sad." – Juliana

 _If Juliana noticed it, then it must be obvious. She really had to do a better job at hiding it,_ Maritza though to herself.

"I just got a lot of stuff on my mind sweetie." – Maritza

"Like what?" – Juliana

"Nothing really." – Maritza

Juliana frowned.

"I want you to be happy, mom" – Juliana

"You make me happy, sweetie." Maritza said as she knelt down, kissed Juliana on the forehead, and hugged her. _I would do anything for this girl._ Maritza thought as she hugged Juliana even if it meant sacrificing any chance to be with her soulmate and consequently any chance at personal happiness.

Still, she felt she had to meet Flaca one more time. She felt Flaca deserved an explanation.

* * *

 _Maritza decided to text Flaca. The texts were sent over the course of a week or so._

M: Hey

M: Can we talk?

M: Are you ignoring me? I know I probably deserve it but I just want to explain things. Better than last time, I guess.

M: Can you please reply to this?

M: Are you that mad at me?

M: ...

 _A few days after the last text, Flaca replied._

F: When can you get away?

M: Saturday morning after I drop off Juliana for her swimming lesson.

F: There's a good café in the Upper East Side, do you think you can make it?

M: Yeah, I think so.

F: I'll text you the address.

M: OK

* * *

 _Come Saturday morning, Maritza enters the café and finds Flaca waiting for her._

When Maritza entered the café, she wasn't sure what to make of Flaca's state. Flaca was dressed in gothic-style black leather and she had on a ton of make-up. But the make-up couldn't hide how sad and tired she looked. Flaca looked as if she hadn't had slept in a while and had been crying a lot.

Flaca for her part did her best to try and hide the mental anguish she had recently suffered. She didn't want to bring up her mother's death; she didn't want that pity factor. She still had her pride.

Maritza walked over to the table Flaca was sitting at.

"Hey" – Maritza

"Hey" – Flaca

Maritza sat down. Just by looking at Flaca, she knew something was wrong. Maritza wanted to hold Flaca, let her cry on her shoulder, and tell her that she was there for her and that everything would be okay. But the tension in the air was thick, she couldn't tell if or how mad Flaca was at her.

"How've you been?" Maritza asked timidly.

"Fine." Flaca gave a faint smile.

"Is everything okay?" – Maritza

"I guess." – Flaca

Flaca couldn't stay mad at Maritza. She convinced herself she would before coming. But upon seeing Maritza, her anger immediately vanished and was replaced by tender feelings for her shorter friend.

"Why didn't you reply to my messages for so long?" – Maritza

 _Maybe because I wanted you to hurt the way you hurt me,_ Flaca thought to herself.

"I just had a lot going on." – Flaca

Maritza gave her this look as if she was trying to call Flaca out on her bullshit.

"Like what?" – Maritza

"No, it's nothing. I know you don't want any fucking drama." – Flaca

Maritza sighed heavily before saying "Come on!"

"I'm gonna leave town for a while." – Flaca

Martiza suddenly had a sinking feeling upon hearing this news.

"When? Why?" – Martiza

"Next week." – Flaca

"Is this because of us?" – Maritza

"Partly." Flaca admitted. "Also, I just want a fresh start somewhere else."

Maritza now looked distraught. She didn't want her friend out of her life again. Of course there was the internet, but she wanted to see her friend in person.

"Don't go!" – Maritza

"I have to. I need to get away from here… at least for a little while." – Flaca

Maritza sighed again. She decided to get to the point and tell Flaca what was on her mind.

"Look, I just wanted to explain after last time. I can't leave my husband." – Maritza

Flaca looked down at the table. Without any outward display of emotion, the sinking feeling in her gut returned. It was just like the last time they were in the other café together and Maritza first revealed she was married.

"But I want you to know that I do love you." – Maritza

Just as suddenly, the opposite feeling came over Flaca like she was being lifted from a dark hole of self-pity and despair.

Maritza reached across the table, took Flaca's hand in hers, and held it.

"Like not in a BFF's forever kind of way, well that too I guess, but in a Romeo and Juliet kind of way." – Maritza

Although she kept a straight face the whole time, Flaca felt elated by Maritza's confession. Maritza loved her in the same way that she loved Maritza.

Maritza looked down at the table.

"This isn't coming out the way I wanted it to." – Maritza

"Why are you telling me this?" Flaca asked in a soft tone of voice as if trying to see where Maritza was going with this.

Maritza looked back up to meet her gaze.

"I just want you to know how I really feel." – Maritza

"I also want us to stay friends. I don't want to lose you." – Maritza

Flaca didn't respond. _Maritza had already made up her mind, no need to make it any more difficult than it had to be._

 _No, you know what, screw that! I'm gonna tell her what I really think!_ Flaca thought to herself.

Maritza gave her a look as if trying to elicit a response out of her.

Flaca looked up at her and asked, "Do you know what I want?"

Maritza didn't respond but listened attentively.

"I want to hold you in my arms when I fall asleep at night. I want you to be the first person I see when I wake up in the morning. I want to sweep you off your feet like that time when we were trying out for that Christmas pageant." That last memory brought a smile to Flaca's face.

"Life is short and I don't want to spend the rest of mine without you." – Flaca

Tears began to well up in Maritza's eyes.

"If I hadn't buried my feelings so deep that they only come up when I watch Stepmom, I'd totally be tearing up right now." Maritza said as she cracked a faint smile while tears started rolling down her cheeks.

"You're not making this easy." – Maritza

"Come with me!" – Flaca

Maritza looked down for a moment before responding, "I can't."

Maritza hadn't let go of Flaca and had begun tracing meaningless patterns on the back of her hand with her thumb.

"I want you to know that what happened last time… it was really special to me. I've never felt like that before." – Maritza

Flaca put her other hand on top of Maritza's and gave it a light squeeze. Flaca looked lovingly into Maritza's eyes conveying to her that she felt the same way about the experience.

Maritza changed the subject.

"Where are you gonna go?" – Maritza

"I don't know yet." Flaca lied. She didn't want to tell Maritza. In a way, by keeping this from her she felt like she had more control over it.

"Are you leaving the country?" – Maritza

"Probably" – Flaca

"How can I reach you?" – Maritza

"You have my Facebook and email." – Flaca

"You never fucking reply to those." – Maritza

"I will. I promise." – Flaca

"You'd better!" – Maritza

They looked at each other for a moment in silence.

"I should go. Juliana's gonna be done with her lesson soon." – Maritza

Flaca nodded.

They got up and walked outside of the café.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye for now." – Maritza

"Yeah." – Flaca

They leant in and hugged each other. As always, Maritza loved this feeling, the warmth and love she felt by having Flaca's arms wrapped around her. Her head rested lightly on Flaca's shoulder. For Maritza, this was heaven.

After separating, they looked into each other's eyes. They both knew what the other wanted to say but didn't as it would have only made things more complicated and the goodbye more difficult.

"I love you." – Maritza

"I love you too." – Flaca

They each took a hesitant step backwards as they turned and started walking in opposite directions.

Maritza got about 30 steps away when it suddenly dawned on her, the mistake she had just made. She thought about how it would be never to have Flaca's arms around her again or to see her smile, how she would miss their fun and light-hearted banter, or how they could always make each other laugh due to their natural chemistry together. It's true that they might see each other again, but their time spending day in and day out together was really gone now. She had never appreciated it in prison and had taken Flaca for granted. After she got married, she had thought to a certain extent that any kind of friendship or latent desires she had on the inside would stay on the inside. After getting out of prison, it would be as if they never knew each other. It was only after she got out of prison, got married, and started a new life; did she realize what a soulmate she had found in Flaca. In that hell hole of all places, she had found her other half.

Maritza turned around and looked back. Flaca kept walking in the other direction. Maritza hesitated. _Should she go after Flaca or not? Maybe Flaca had made peace with the situation and she should just leave well enough alone?_ Maritza decided to leave it. She turned around and kept walking.

Flaca stopped, turned around, and looked at Maritza who continued to walk in the opposite direction. _Maybe she should have tried harder to convince Maritza to come with her?_ But Flaca didn't want to pressure her. She wanted Maritza to be with her because she genuinely wanted it. _Maybe she should have told Maritza how much she loved her_? Flaca asked herself. _No, it wouldn't have mattered; Maritza had already made up her mind._ Flaca turned around and continued walking.

Maritza and Flaca then each felt the need to see the other one more time. This time, they both turned around simultaneously and their eyes met. They were both surprised to find that the other was looking back at them. Flaca could see the longing in Maritza's eyes. And Maritza could see the expression on Flaca's face… an expression which beckoned to Maritza. Neither of them could turn around and walk away.

Reflecting on everything, the thought of going back to the way things were and forgetting about Flaca seemed unimaginable.

In that instant, Maritza decided to be with Flaca. She started walking towards the taller girl. Flaca in turn started walking towards her shorter friend. Maritza embraced her and Flaca returned the affectionate hug.

"I love you Flaca." – Maritza

"I love you so much Mari." – Flaca

"I don't care where you're going; Juliana and I are coming with you. That is… if you'll still have us?" – Maritza

"Is this for real?" Flaca almost chocked on the words as she fought back tears of joy.

"Yeah, this is for real." Maritza said before the tears burst forth.

They tightened the embrace as tears of happiness rolled down their cheeks.

They were finally together.


End file.
